I wish I could have been a little more organized the last three months and written down more events of what was happening with us. Unfortunately, there hasn’t been much I could handle besides eating and sleeping. This baby will probably have the smallest little journal compared to it’s siblings. Hopefully, the next 6 months will be easier because I know how special these are to have. But basically, this is how the last 12 weeks have felt like:
- Give me all the bagels and cream cheese.
- Nausea during the witching hour.
- Coffee Aversion.
- Hello Hips.
- Itchy Rash.
- Naps with the kids.
- 8pm Bedtime.
- 3 am wake up.
- Baby #4 Dreams of delivering in the car.
- Boy or Girl Debate?
- Gender Bias.
- Puberty breakouts.
- Little Hands on the Ultrasound making me cry.
- Heart opening another spot for this little person.
Most do not know, but we experienced a miscarriage in January. Even though the loss happened very early, there was a big, dark cloud in our house during that time. The following months, Aaron and I frequently discussed the possibility of adding another little peacock to our family. A huge part of my body knew I might always wonder about that fourth baby. Apparently, this baby was always meant to be. I remember walking down the stairs with all three kids, right after Amelia was born. I kept looking around to make sure they were all there. It wasn’t that I felt something was missing, but someone. God has a plan that is bigger than what I can try to write.
I read this quote recently which might be my constant reminder this pregnancy, “There is no fear in love.”